it's not always what you think

Well, sometimes I think I get ahead of myself and end up crashing and burning in a way that just makes you wonder when you will catch a break. 

I think I should just always remember to never get my hopes up and just keep things quiet as not to have to go back and not embarrass myself with the explanations.  Maybe I'm just PMSing and having a bad day but I think it is just another day in my not as I had planned it life. 

It's amazing how you can be on a slight high only to be brought to reality with a thud.

Sometimes I think I need to pick a different path. Is it too late? What other path would I go down? How can I make it possible when again reality (ie no funds) puts a damper on it?

I never had this plan for my life. I imagined something so utterly different I wonder who is that person who had those wonderful plans and how did she end up me. I feel like I don't have time to think sometimes and that just leads to time passing by and another chapter of what could be my life to never be written. How do you get enough courage to make those changes and delve into something so foreign and scary that you don't care if you sink or swim but are going to try anyway.  I admire those who just do that and leave the comfortable for the unknown. Maybe I am too caught up in who I would disappoint instead of what would make me happy. How do you reconcile those two things and be able to be ok with it. Does it or should it really matter?

Oh, the pondering of life's journey. I would rather be the complete slacker or the total overachiever than this not great at anything but good enough to survive state.  I'm tired of the daily grind and really need something great to happen to show me what is possible. 

I think this is way too much of a downer post so I think I will stop, go play some music, create a little art and see what happens. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one at that. 

I knew I should have headed to the gym tonight to work out all this bad energy instead of wallowing it. Damn!

Well, to all the rest I hope  your paths are clear and not forked!

C

hope is alive and well....

Some sound advice to my last post JoAnn and Karen. Sometimes forced changed results in no change for the better. It is all a matter of saying this is me accepting it and saying screw it and just do what is natural and what feels right. 

I saw the movie "The Visitors" tonight at the Little. If you have not seen this movie you should definitely go and see it. What is right, what is wrong and what is accepted is sometimes very ironic and sad.  I won't say anymore until you see it, but you should see it.

Oh, my thoughts are disjointed this evening, sometimes a day just actually goes well and gets you a little giddy. Good times, good times....There is hope in this crazy world. 

I need to go and produce art. I feel the adrenaline pumping and the ideas are generating. I have been perusing some interesting sites on recycled art and different takes on traditional subject matter. Although I can't have these ideas produced by my market day on thursday the wheels of creativity have started turning again....such a great feeling.

well, I am not making any sense anymore, or at least I am distracted by a funny episode of Ace of Cakes so I will stop rambling. 

To all my blogger friends out there...thanks for the continual inspiration!!!!

C

things are possible....

Oh, it's been another week in paradise. The randomness of things is evident more and more each day! It's amazing how blasts from the past resurface when you are ready to move on! 

I really still haven't lived up to what the inspiration of the last post was supposedly changing in my life. Time is always an issue! How does one change the pace of your life when it seems like you can't stop the whirlwind?? I know, I know, one day at a time, it slowly happens. I don't think I can wait for that long! That's like the "you'll find love when you least expect it/you're not looking for it" As any honest single person can tell you we're always looking. Even if you think you're not in some subtle way we are always looking for something, be it love, a purpose in life or my damn car/house keys.  Today, I changed my focus to organization of mail, papers, and junk! I feel better having purged that much stuff. My nemesis is the early morning, If I can conquer my love of sleep and just get up when the alarm actually goes off I think things will start turning the tide....We'll see how long it takes me to not stay up until 2am making me sleep until 9-9:30am... A night owl I am, I must force myself to make the change at least once a week for starters! Any helpful hints....and no, putting the alarm on the other side of the room doesn't work for me!

Well, all tomorrow will bring me to stepping out into the realm of the unknown possibilities..But more on that after tomorrow! 

Stay Cool, Be Happy and let the changing begin!

Words that inspire me....

Well, I've just read Shanna Murray and Rachael Hetzel's blogs (a must check out for anyone having a moment of uncertainty) and I must say that through their words I have been inspired to rethink things again.

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day grind that you lose sight of the importance of just living. I always seem to feel that I need more hours in my day to accomplish all this "stuff" when really I just need to prioritize what really matters. I have found that taking time for myself is crucial!! It does clear the mind, de-stresses and inspires creativity. In reading Shanna and Rachael's blogs I know now why we are friends and why they mean so much. Despite our differences (and their are definitely some differences :) it really all comes down to what makes life enjoyable, remembering kindnesses and having laughs with great people. Even when things seem so overwhelming their are those bright spots that make it all worth it. The bright sky after a storm, the first bud on the plant in the ground, the memory of childhood times and the hope of something on the verge of being great. It all makes the day to day worth it. Sometimes you just have to remember that. 

I am having one of those moments as I sit here and listen to the steady breathing of my cat as she sleeps on the back of my couch. She is content in the moment and in even the darkest moments of my day shines a little happiness. 

So thank you Shanna and Rachael for your words that truly inspire and confirm what I have been struggling with for such a long time.