I think I should just always remember to never get my hopes up and just keep things quiet as not to have to go back and not embarrass myself with the explanations. Maybe I'm just PMSing and having a bad day but I think it is just another day in my not as I had planned it life.
It's amazing how you can be on a slight high only to be brought to reality with a thud.
Sometimes I think I need to pick a different path. Is it too late? What other path would I go down? How can I make it possible when again reality (ie no funds) puts a damper on it?
I never had this plan for my life. I imagined something so utterly different I wonder who is that person who had those wonderful plans and how did she end up me. I feel like I don't have time to think sometimes and that just leads to time passing by and another chapter of what could be my life to never be written. How do you get enough courage to make those changes and delve into something so foreign and scary that you don't care if you sink or swim but are going to try anyway. I admire those who just do that and leave the comfortable for the unknown. Maybe I am too caught up in who I would disappoint instead of what would make me happy. How do you reconcile those two things and be able to be ok with it. Does it or should it really matter?
Oh, the pondering of life's journey. I would rather be the complete slacker or the total overachiever than this not great at anything but good enough to survive state. I'm tired of the daily grind and really need something great to happen to show me what is possible.
I think this is way too much of a downer post so I think I will stop, go play some music, create a little art and see what happens. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one at that.
I knew I should have headed to the gym tonight to work out all this bad energy instead of wallowing it. Damn!
Well, to all the rest I hope your paths are clear and not forked!
C
1 comment:
there's much im thinking of after reading this post, too much to say, really. but i did want to send you a big hug, and an invitation for tea.
i think everyone's paths are forked. try and stop to breathe, and take care of yourself. let me know if there's anything i can do to help you get ready for thursday.
hugs,
s
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